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I really don't know what's going on nowadays.I am so tired and confused of what I should believe in.I am having friend trouble again which I think will never end..hmm..maybe I am destined to be alone for all eternity..how sad..:-( But still I will try to move on with my life,even though it hurts so much.Sometimes I dont know who to trust not even myself,only God. But I don't know why people are pissed at me and I don't even expect that from some of them because I THOUGHT that I could trust them but now,I am really having doubts.I am still hoping that someone would be willing to help..but I guess not.Nobody listens,nobody hears me out..still what am I to do?I'll just have to face the truth.. that I would probably forever be...alone.
Friday, February 02, 2007
This week is probably one of the worst that I have experienced.I am currently depressed and afraid.I am afraid that the bad things in the past would come back and haunt me.I am currently facing problems which have a possibility to scar my life.. One is about grades..and the other is about a friend..
The grades that I had during the exams were pretty low.I really sucked big time and this is my last chance.I really need to make up and strive harder and more harder so that I can survive 10th grade.I really want to graduate from high school and I really want to reach my dreams and goals in the future.I hope to achieve them and pass tenth grade.
Next to a bigger scenario.I am currently facing a problem.and its a big one,or at least I think it is.Maybe I am just paranoid..I hope so..
My best friend and I have always been there for each other.But we are currently somewhat "cooled off" and I am being paranoid.But lately he has been saying signs about thinking twice in our friendship.Like he said "You should learn how to depend on yourself so that in the future you can stand on your own.." or "You have to face the truth.." I seriously hope that this would not end grimly..I love him so much as a friend and I have sacrificed a lot in our friendship.I hope and pray to God that He would help us by giving obstacles but also helping us to have a strong bond in our friendship...
Monday, December 18, 2006
Finally after the long wait of our Christmas break is finally over.We just ended our classes and I am here in school right now updating my blog.Seriously,to be honest today was just one of those days where we didn't have any classes.It was just downright boring but at the same time fun.I also didn't like it that I got a almost-passing score in our long test in Math.Grr..it was sooo frustrating..Oh well better luck next year I guess...
I can't wait to go home and feel the freedom and coldness of this season.I hope that thic Christmas everything will turn out fine and no harm would come our ways.I also hope that my grades next year would improve and that finally I can seriously strive harder in getting higher grades..Plus spend enough time with my friends.In short..time balance is desperately needed now in my life..
I guess being a teenager isn't all about fun and games.It is about becoming mature and learning how to grow up and becoming more responsible for our future.I hope that I am able to do this one day,if not now.. maybe at least a few more years to come.I have so many dreams and aspirations in my life and I intend reach them in a clean way and the best way I can..I just need to follow my instincts and trust my abilities..and most importantly..God above all..
Oh well.. that's all for now.. Ciao for now!Peace out!:-)
Sunday, December 17, 2006
So much has happened so far during the past weeks.Like getting ok grades in math and then struggling in some other subjects.I also bought a new book,it's title is Edgar and Ellen: High Wire.I like it a lot because it is kinda of a dark comedy but you will surely laugh a lot because of their stupid antics.It's also filled with great pictures which can help describe the scenes in the book.Plus it has a lot of rhyming stuff,I really like rhyming a lot.. We also got to do this presentation in school called the "Live Belen" which came out great.I was in the choir.. though there were some weak scenes,but overall it was great.I am also happy that my bet and favorite Yeng Constantino won the singing contest Pinoy Dream Academy.I was really nervous last night and I hoped that either Yeng or Panky would eventually win the competition.I was a little sad that Panky was unable to be part of the top 3 but it still is ok for me.. I hope that I am able to do good this quarter to make up for my low grades in the card.I really miss talking to my friends.. time really seems to keep me busy a lot that I can't e-mail them.Oh well.. at least the holidays are coming up.I am glad that we can get a chance to rest for a while from our duties and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.Oh well it ends here at least for now.Ciao for now!Peace out!:-)
Friday, November 10, 2006
I went out with my mother,sister and my mom's friends to a local hangout called East Block.It's a new hip location located near a convenient store called Lopue's East.When I got there,I just drank iced tea and listened to my mother and her friends chatting.We also had strawberry margarita and some beef nachos on the table.I tried some of the drink. At first it was kinda tasty when inside my mouth,but when I swallowed it, its taste started to change.After that we changed our location to a place called Mayfair Plaza which ahd a disco in the top floor..
The disco was filled with people in probably their late twenties to earlt thirties.While there,they ordered another margarita but only in banana flavor.Again I tried to drink it but I was just not yet used to its taste.There was also spring rolls served with the concoction.After a few more drinks that they had and chattin we proceeded to another club.
Now this club that we went to was a more familiar club with my other friends and batchmates.Though I have never been there before the club MO2 was pretty packed up.There were many people there particularly the youth.Many people of different backgrounds and sexes. Though I was not that excited while being there,I think it was a good experience for me coz I got to be out in the real world where people usually hang out and dance the night away.
The lesson that I've learned is we should definetely be careful of our actions,have fun but to an extent and choose wisely our friends.I am really not used to the "partying" scene because I am more of a homebody.I just like to stay at home and if ever I want to hang out with my friends,that's school or at the mall.Normal stuff and usual drinks,I am also not used to the alcohol.I guess this is a good experiment because it can help me to adjust to different personalities or environment if necessary in the future.Oh well,that's all..I almost forgot,we went home at 2:30 in the morning..hahaha.. Ciao for now!!:-)
Sunday, November 05, 2006
I just came back from a great and fun camping experience in the farm that a friend of mine owns near the mountains together with some friends.We bonded with each other and experienced nature at its best at the same time.We swam in the river nearby,then in a swimming pool.After that it unexpectedly rained (maybe because I was singing too much..hahahah..) and we soaked our weary bodies there as well. We also visited a mini forest and watched great views of the river and the sky above.The clouds were puffy and white (which for me is kinda rare nowadays because the city seems to be getting bigger and nature is sometimes underappreciated) and then when we came back the clouds and the sky was tainted with orange colors.
We had such laughable moments there.For example.. we tried our luck at kayaking in the river but to no such luck because first it was going well.Then came the strong rapids and I got thrown overboard..twice!Also we puched two our of friends in the pool without them expecting it.. Plus many other stuff that we had a blast with..
It's kind of a shame that only a few of us came for this trip.I mean it is understandable that they are busy but still it was such a great experience that they surely missed.Oh well, that's all for now..School back tomorrow(and that sucks..butI guess I'll just have to deal with it..) plus our exam results are too so I have to pray my hardest tonight... that's all..Ciao for now!:-)
Friday, October 27, 2006
Sometimes during these days, I kinda feel like I'm all alone.I don't know why I keep feeling this sadness within, but I just do. I am happy when I'm around with my friends and family but for me, I just feel so worried about stuff. Plus I am worried now because of the outcome of my exams.I am confident of my results in Trigonometry but I am worried in THE, Math and Chemistry. They seem to be the subjects that I am having trouble with.I feel so sick and tired of me feeling all alone,it's not even supposed to be an issue anymore. I just feel so secluded, like in a vast storm.My friends and family are safe in an island and then I am drowning in the sea.Left all alone.Drowning in an unending sea of suffering.But I hope that I would suffer no more,I can only hope and pray.
Oh by the way, here's a new poem that I made during the first ten minutes of THE last week.It was about what I felt during that day.Depressed, invisible and hurt...
"Dead and Invisible"
So many lies that's what I see
Too many that it fills my misery
The loneliness and pain has finally come
And it can never be undone
They tear my soul, I try to scream
But what's the use in trying to redeem
A useless person down and blue
Who still believes that dreams come true
Alone and depressed,I lie down dead
With voices filled inside my head
Nobody listens,nobody cares
No one to tell me "I'll always be there"
Why is the world so harsh?
And it kills us deep inside
Why doesn't it allow us to show
The real emotions that we cannot hide?
So many questions,I'm full of despair
I am never saved and neither spared
From the dark reality that waits ahead
I'm "dead and invisible" that's what you said
Oh well.. I guess I'll always be like this(I hope not..) Ciao for now guys..